Feel free to check out my new blog at My Blog, My Rules. Thank you to all of you who took the time and effort to post comments and be supportive.

This is what I have learnt so far:

- Go into these situations with the view that they will turn out how you would like them to (positive mental attitude). This can be adapted for a lot of different circumstances (credit given here to @speccywoo for the tip).

- Network and build relationships with the trade union. Remember important things about them and more importantly, take an interest.

- Be prepared to negotiate. If you go into a meeting with a fixed view of what you want to achieve with no room for manoeuver then you may find that you hit a wall pretty quickly.

- Remember that both the organisation and the union should have the staff at the forefront of their interests. The critical word here is ‘should’ whether or not in reality that is the case, is another matter.

- Nip problems in the bud nice and early. This goes hand in hand with the way in which you should deal with any employee relations issue. Take care of it early and then it is less likely to grow into a monster.

- Trust in the process. I spend a lot of time convincing managers to do this and usually it comes good in the end.

- This is probably the most important one of all. Communicate. Talk at every step of the way.

I’m a little ‘green’ when it comes to this subject and very soon I will be needing to put this into practice a lot more. So, what tips and advice do you have a for a relatively inexperienced negotiator? All constructive feedback would be most welcome.

I completely disagree with this statement because we may well not have ‘real-life’ relationships and friendships with some of the people we regularly tweet with, however, I know that there are some who I would miss if they vanished from twitter for a period of time. I have been known in the past to tweet people to ask them if they are okay if I haven’t seen them around for a while, or if I have been missing them when they have been online and tweeting.

I have decided to refrain from tweeting for a period of 5-7 days (if I can go that long without doing so) to see if anyone notices that I’ve vanished from twitter and to see if so, do they do anything about it. I believe that it’s human nature to care about others, even if only a very small way. So we’ll see if I’m right or not! This ties in very nicely with the fact that I have so much work to do with assignments and exams that the distraction of twitter is more of a negative right now, good timing for a tweeting holiday.

So here we are on day one of my ‘twitter experiment’. This of course is only subject to my own parameters and is not scientifically proven in any way, shape or form (should I put a disclaimer in here)?

DAY 1 IN THE TWITTER EXPERIMENT – 7 May

(I feel like that should be said with the lovely Big Brother geordie accent!)

It’s been 25 hours since my last tweet (that sounds a little like a confession or an admission). It’s not, it’s just a statement of fact. So, far no-one has missed me.

By the way, this is not about assessing my popularity on twitter. Nor is it a way of feeding my own ego. I am doing this to prove a point – one way or the other. If I’m not missed after one week of not tweeting then I will have demonstrated that the statement above is correct and actually no-one does give a fuck. I, hand on heart, don’t think that this is the case. I do think that somewhere out there, will be someone who notices I’m not around and takes time out to see if I’m okay.

Only time will tell……..

DAY 2 IN THE TWITTER EXPERIMENT – 8 May

It has been 51 hours since my last tweet and no-one as yet has noticed that I’m missing from twitter and that I’m also not publishing blog posts.

I’ve been ducking in and out of twitter just to see what everyone is up to and it’s pretty difficult to refrain from engaging or interacting with those I usually tweet. This is now not just an experiment to see if people notice I’m gone but also a test of my own ability to resist tweeting!

Some of the conversations going on are fascinating and this is a little like the world of people watching (when you’re in a pub or a sandwich bar, for example). I love people watching. I could spend hours doing it because the world is so diverse and interesting (either that or I am a big nosey parker!)

Must…….resist…..the temptation……to…tweet.

DAY 2 IN THE TWITTER EXPERIMENT – 8 May (some time later)

54 hours in, I haven’t tweeted (yet) and I’m now starting to get into this. However, that was until someone tweeted me because they were wondering where I’d gone. This posed a problem because I really hate ignoring people but at the same time, if I give in now then my experiment won’t work. So, still no tweeting.

60 hours in. I haven’t tweeted! This is great now. I have sat and read some blogs, I have updated this post and I’ve done things that I wouldn’t usually do on a Sunday evening. Like…..can you guess what?

No, not really, not that, although after reading a blog post about that subject, it’s on  my mind (where did my husband disappear to?). Nope. I’ve done the washing up and put a wash on! Rock and roll. Without twitter, maybe I will be better at housework and stuff. Or maybe I shouldn’t run before I can walk!

Join me on Monday for Part 2 of my Twitter Experiment.

These are some of my tips for working from home and how I survive it:

Keep in touch

Whole days can go by (particularly during peak holiday times) when I don’t speak to a soul. This can feel lonely and isolating. By keeping in touch with my peers on a regular basis, means I don’t go stir crazy through lack of social interaction.

Ignore household chores

I find this easy to do most of the time! However, sometimes the lure of the hoovering beats doing my paid work and I get distracted by it. Keeping the office clean and tidy really helps with this because I am able to shut the office door and ignore the rest of the house. Lunchtimes come in very handy for putting the washing on or doing small jobs like that but if I go off and get too involved I don’t feel like I’ve had a break.

Take a break

Working from home makes me feel like I’m under the microscope. For a long time, I would dash to the phone whenever it rang because I didn’t want others to perceive me as ‘not working’. This meant attempting to break my neck on the way back from the toilet or from the kitchen. I have to make an effort to ensure that I don’t do this. I have an answerphone and I’ll call them back when I return to my desk. I take breaks from my work as I would if I were working in an office, these make me more productive and I am less likely to feel stale. Going for a nice walk at lunchtime can really make a difference (a little like I’m going to the sandwich shop, without the shop at the end of it).

Avoid the fridge

I am much more likely to snack while working from home due to the easy access to the contents of my fridge. I stick to break times, I try to keep healthy food in but at the same time I also allow myself the odd treat here and there. It’s about being aware of what you eat. You are less likely to notice what you eat if you are doing something else at the same time.

Keep the office separate

This one is a luxury that not everyone has, depending on space available. I know some of our staff work from their kitchen table and this may well work for them. It doesn’t for me. If I’m off work and I see my laptop or the flashing light on my phone indicating that I have a new message, I get the urge to see what I’ve missed. We are probably all guilty at some point of thinking that work can’t survive without us. The news is that it can and it does. Switching off from work is a struggle for me and by keeping the office away from my other life, it helps me forget it (at least for a short while).

Having pets around can distract

We have dogs and cats in the house which doesn’t bode for harmony when trying to work. My colleagues have heard the dog barking on more than one occasion (usually at the post lady) and if anyone ever phones me near to 5pm, my cats will usually have started demanding their tea by singing a chorus. One of my cats likes to play ‘fetch’ and will see me working from home as an opportunity for him to have extra playtime. Another one of my cats likes to raid the dirty linen basket and he will frequently run past my desk with a prize between his teeth. Prizes consist of things that smell like me, so a smelly sock or a bra. The bra episodes are comical and I have laughed out loud while on the phone, then I felt obliged to say why. Luckily the majority of my colleagues have a sense of humour.

Having children around can distract

Very occasionally my daughter will be around when I’m working. She’s old enough now to amuse herself for an hour or so until I finish work for the day. My top tip here is find quiet toys! Favourites in this house are Lego and a talking Barbie house, which can make concentrating difficult.

Keep a schedule

It is so easy to work silly hours because of the easy access to work equipment. By sticking to (or at least trying to) a schedule can ensure that you have a decent work-life balance and that you do not work excessive and unreasonable hours. I don’t like to leave things half finished so I consider if I have time to do something before the end of the day and if I don’t, then can it be split into a series of smaller tasks. Accepting that things can wait until tomorrow really helps and besides, it keeps me in a job (for now).

Consider your audience

Pyjamas are not appropriate attire for a web conference so consider if this could lead to embarrassment on your part. There is no evidence of this happening here but it is a standing joke within my team that I love wearing my jim jams while working from home.

I’m sure there are plenty more that I have missed, but for now these are my top tips for surviving. Please feel free to add comments and leave yours

Don’t get me wrong, I love her dearly and I have a lot of time for her. However, there is a huge BUT here, she likes everything to be done her way. She makes all of the decisions and it’s her way or the highway. If we go out for the day, she chooses where. If we eat out, she chooses where. If we choose for a change, she spends the whole time criticising where we are. Often this is done loudly and publicly, at which point we wish the ground could open up and swallow us.

I’ve struggled for years to come up with a way of coping with this. The problem is that there is no strategy which works. I stand up to her, it causes a row and she blames me, ending in me being miserable. Or I don’t stand up to her, I do what she wants and I end up miserable. Can you see the common theme of misery here?

My two brothers do not have this problem. They run their lives how they want to and she lets them get on with it. I don’t have this luxury, everything I do and everything I say is scrutinised by my mum. She disagrees with the choices that I’ve made in life. She believes that I shouldn’t have a career, I shouldn’t be studying and I should have lots of children running around. She pictures me as her mini me, where we spend our days together drinking tea and baking cakes. She really hates the fact that I work full time and I have my own family to look after.

She is highly critical of me. I do just about everything wrong. She picks on the way I look and the way I live my life. I feel that in order to please her I would not be being true to myself but sometimes I wonder if that would be the easier thing to do. It’s a bit like a power struggle, in which I try to stand up to her but then I back down. It’s giving me a headache and it’s not a nice way to live.

Hubby is hugely supportive and lovely. He has a good relationship with both of my parents but I can see just how frustrating he finds this situation in that a grown up woman can’t defend herself.

Pathetic, aren’t I?

It is so tempting to sell the house and move away, just to get some space. Though I suspect that running away isn’t the answer.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…

Once upon a time I joined Twitter. I didn’t get it. I turned it off and ignored it for a long time because I just couldn’t see the point of it. A good while later I rejoined Twitter. It took me a while before it clicked and now I am one happy bunny with the experience and the doors that’s it’s opened for me. I love the social aspect of it, the opportunities for professional networking and the fact that I’m part of a community. It’s great.

However, just one thing really annoys me and that is this really odd obsession that people have with the amount of followers they have. Why, why oh why does it matter? I understand completely that some of the rubbish that I tweet will not appeal to everyone. Neither will my blog but really is it that important?

If I unfollow you on Twitter it’s for a number of possible reasons:

1. You are boring, dull or both.

2. You complain WAY too much. About everything. You never have anything nice to say. About anything.

3. You give me too much information about your personal life. I don’t want to know initimate details, thanks.

4. You tweet too much. I will soon switch off if I can piece together your full days itinerary by reading your tweets.

5. You are offensive and rude. I can go about my daily business and get enough of that all by myself thank you very much.

6. You tweet obsessively about your blog. Almost begging people to read your blog. You just look desperate and by the way, I won’t read it. Surprise, surprise.

7. You constantly retweet shit that other people have tweeted. Be original, please.

8. You spend most of your time tweeting quotes or links to business sites. Go away. If I want to read those things, I will seek them out and find them for myself. I do have a mind of my own.

This has turned into much more of a rant than I’d anticipated but I do feel much better for getting this off my chest. If I unfollow you, it’s not personal. It’s as simple as your tweets just don’t appeal to me.

While I’m on the subject, can someone tell me why numbers are so important? I honestly, hand on heart, really don’t care. Surely it’s about quality and not quantity?

Life generally exposes us to a diverse range of people, some who see material goods as their main reason for existing, others are driven by their work or hobbies and then there are those who put their family first. I don’t see anything wrong with whatever people choose to be their focus and what they deem to be most important to them, just as long as they aren’t harming anyone in the process. There is nothing worse than that person who would sell their own grandmother just to make a quick buck.

For me, my priorities are a combination of all of these but with my family coming out top of the list. We are trying really hard to instil decent values into our daughter with the emphasis on working hard, being honest and putting your family first. My husband comes from a family who are geographically miles apart but also emotionally far apart. This is the way they are and again there is nothing wrong with it but for me I feel that if I have the love of my family on my side, I can achieve anything I want to.

There are days when I don’t know how I would get by without the love and support from my husband and daughter. I’m lucky in that my parents don’t live too far away, I have a good relationship with them and my siblings and I feel blessed.

This morning I woke with a feeling of dread because of something that had happened at work yesterday. I gave myself a ‘good talking to’ and by the time I had started work, I felt good again. Nothing had changed in terms of work but I realised that I couldn’t change what had happened, I couldn’t have prevented it from happening and me dwelling on it made me no fun to be around. This evening I made my daughter her favourite tea to make up for it, we did household chores together and I took a step back and thanked my blessings.

My #3goodthings for today?

1) When my daughter told me that she was going to have lots of children when she’s older, even though you have to work really hard to squish them out.

2) Reading my little girl a chapter from the book we’re reading at bedtime and the big hug we had.

3) It’s not happened yet, but it’s a daily occurrence – resting my head on hubby’s chest as I fall asleep tonight.

I’m a very lucky person.

I’d like to think that I’m fairly fit and active. I only ached slightly after my two hours of zumba last week and so I felt pretty confident that the class would be fine. I was wrong and when at the start of the class the two women either side of me started to discuss how hard some of the moves were, I should have run out of the door and never gone back. I didn’t because I don’t like to be beaten by anything and I thought they were exaggerating.

For those of you who don’t know what BODYBALANCE is, it’s a mixture of Tai Chi, Yoga and Pilates. Here is the description of it:

BODYBALANCE™ is the Yoga, Tai Chi, Pilates workout that builds flexibility and strength and leaves you feeling centered and calm. Controlled breathing, concentration and a carefully structured series of stretches, moves and poses to music create a holistic workout that brings the body into a state of harmony and balance.

So there I was on the warm up thinking this is okay, I can manage this. Positive mental attitude and all that. The balance part of the session was the worst. I fell over more times than I could count, the mat (which had only been recently replaced by the gym and was brand new) kept making farting noises when I slipped and I think I wobbled more than a jelly. Each time the instructor indicated that it was time to look in the mirror, I saw a red-faced and sweaty woman staring back at me. I didn’t look like I was enjoying it one bit.

However, the best part of all was the relaxation at the end. I had forgotten just how good I feel after doing a proper relaxation exercise and this made it all worthwhile.

I walked away from the class amazed that I’d lived through my ordeal, proud that it hadn’t beaten me and with the stagger of a drunk person. I looked great – honest. I sat in the car thinking, never again. That was until today when I booked another class for Friday. Hopefully by then my stomach muscles won’t hurt when I sneeze

I often wonder how her dad copes with his once a month weekends. That’s the arrangement which has been in place for sometime now, more because of the distance between his house and ours than for any other reason. When we lived together he was never really a hands on dad, he enjoyed his freedom greatly and deep down I’m surprised that he is keeping up the contact when he could have taken his opportunity to escape his commitments. I can’t say that I would like something horrible to happen to him because I wouldn’t. It sounds really awful though when I admit that sometimes I would really like him to vanish. I find it hard to separate how he was towards me when we were together and how he is as a dad. I accept that it’s perfectly possible for him to be a good dad but a terrible partner but the awful memories that I have make it difficult for me to forgive and forget.

Even though I find it tough and I have moments of feeling really down when she’s away, I don’t regret encouraging them to have a relationship. It’s something that I feel really strongly about and I don’t think that her not seeing him anymore would be good for either of them. It’s also not my decision to make. I can’t think of anything worse than her asking questions when she’s older about why she never saw him, so that’s what keeps me going when the chips are down.

Our arrangement is probably quite normal these days, whereas when I was younger it was quite rare that my friends came from a background where their parents had separated. I’m very open about it if anyone asks but I do find it strange that most of the families we know are all typical 2.4 children and with no out of the ordinary arrangements. In a community like ours it makes us stand out from the crowd. We are the odd ones out on sports day when my daughter has a mum, a dad and a step-dad in tow. It’s obvious from the looks we get that the other parents don’t approve. I find this disappointing and sad. We are all of us different but it’s the small village syndrome that we’ll never escape because we choose to live in a rural area.

So please forgive me if I’m a bit down at the moment. I am lost without my mini me and I feel pretty damn miserable.

This poses no problem to me on a daily basis because I work with mostly the same people and those I don’t know well, I just do my best to blag it and usually that gets me by. I’m not big on going out and meeting new people because I don’t have the opportunity to do so that frequently and when I do, I’m not on my own because hubby or someone else will be with me.

I am so conscious of the fact that I can come across as aloof when I meet new people that makes me worse and I withdraw even further. In my desperation not to appear rude, I just become stressed and avoid conversation, or I say things that come out wrong.

It’s this problem that prevents me from networking in person. I’m really aware of how when developing online relationships you can be anyone you want to be and you can come across as the most confident and outgoing person in the world. I could go around telling you all that I’m something I’m not and you would most likely believe me because you would have no reason not to. There is no confession coming next, what you have seen with me so far is what you get – don’t worry.

When I joined twitter I formed social relationships with lots of people. This is fine for me and from the safety of my own world, it’s on my terms. Little did I know that I would end up being presented with opportunities to meet some of these great people in person and in the real world. I had no idea this was coming and now I feel too shy to see it through.

I badly want to attend the Connecting HR Unconference but if I turn up and go shy then I won’t achieve anything except for being out of my comfort zone and potentially offending several people I respect. It took me such a long time to build relationships at university because of the limited time us students have together, only now seven months in am I starting to come out of my shell. This creates more pressure on a person wanting to network and meet new people but being anxious about doing so.

I was told once to just go for it. I was told that no-one will turn their back on you at a networking event because everyone is there for the same reason. I know this but it doesn’t make it any easier to do.

Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome shyness?